Disclaimer: One of the most most important necessity for me is FOOD and I'm not ready to compromise on the quality and the quantity of it. Thus anything and everything meant in the article means a lot and I do not want to hold back anyone from thinking anything other than what I would have really meant or tried to convey as ones freedom to think is an inalienable right of its own unless you move into a condition of hibernation or coma due to many reasons, particularly with respect to the current topic of discussion, FOOD. But mind you guys, I'm not a gourmet or a gourmand and this article is not written by any of the spirit, mind or body of Mr. Chacko, Saju Rajan, but by a very honest appetite in pain.
And as it seems my company or let me be more sympathetic, my building in particular, gives so much importance to their culinary products that the associates return to their cubicles with elation that they are under diet and their tummy's are gonna remain put. Also, every company would want me to believe that the green figures in their balance sheets are due to me remaining healthy.
Through the last few months in the new office, my taste buds have been tested thoroughly and I've started to realize that even if the software bubble bursts I can easily get through an alternate profession. Its been a journey through the different tastes that I wouldn't have tasted even if I would have gone all around the world, which is again slippery dream. I'd like to take you through the different culinary delights that I go through everyday, but I cannot ensure to give you the real simulation of what really happens, and this is now when I realize "There are some things that even words cant express."
8:40 AM -- Reading the Menu
8:45 AM -- Realizing that its the same menu for the last 2 months.
8:50 AM -- Someone behind the long queue says, "Dont have food from PNN on Monday, its the left overs of Friday."
9:00 AM -- Reach the counter to take coupons
9:05 AM -- Argue at the counter over change.
9:08 AM -- Give me a slip for Rs. 9/- balance.
9:10 AM -- Pray to God, "Let todays Idlis be soft and spongy".
9:15 AM -- Understand that God has not answered my prayers.
9:18 AM -- Get seated.
9:20 AM -- Try to cut the idly with the spoon.
9:22 AM -- The spoon and me surrender to the pressure of the "Hardness" of the Idly.
9:24 AM -- Stand in queue for another spoon.
9:27 AM -- Cut the spoon with the Idly.
9:30 AM -- Finish eating the spoon.
9:50 AM -- Thank God, I'm still alive.
It takes hardly 10 minutes for me to reach office from home and I retain the same freshness of spirit, mind and body after the goodnights sleep and the over-chlorinated water used to clean my body, thus this would mean that I neednt take one more bath atleast for the next 12 hours. But, no dude. It isn't gonna be that way.
I would impute 0% tolerance from my commonsense to accept certain names of Karnataka's culinary delights( or supposed to be delights) like the many (public) baths available at the canteen. I never tried my luck with them just because my internal inhibitions held me back even before my taste buds got the chance to reprimand me. But one thought that constantly nags me after the color, smell, taste, viscosity, look, feel, etc etc is the name of the final product.
(Its just that my sense of humor is getting affected by some of the newly found ingredients at the Center of Excellence in food and gas at the L-Center)
The story at the PNN, as I call it "Please, Never & Not" disturb sign outside the loo, is also the same. Pure 'N Natural alias PNN a.k.a "Please, Never & Not". The humdrum conversations at the counter have started to bore me. It has always been a confusion regarding which side of the counter I should be standing. On one side there would be the PNN staff wearing their incandescent green shirts and on the the other would be the associates with their company tags. These tagged people provide their sudexho or cash at the senescent machine and then would move across the counter to direct the PNN staff regarding how whatever they ordered is to be made. There can be two reasons as to why the associate is forced to assume a role of a recipe. One, the PNN guys don't know how to make or two, the PNN guys make it horribly bad.
I've heard someone asking the PNN staff as to the difference between a milk shake and an ordinary shake. In the milk shake they put ice cream and in the ordinary shake they put milk..... Anyways, that too is none of my concern. The only dish that I've ever consumed from the PNN counter is an array of depleted corn and obnoxiously black mushroom. Okay, I'm getting a little too much hyperbolic. Spare the pun.
Punchline of PNN
"Milk" is a cosmetic, also serves as a camouflage in milk shakes.
Burp........ Can’t wait for lunch.
12:30 PM -- Lunch is served.
01:34 PM -- I see the menu.
01:34 PM -- LUNCH FINISHED.
01:40 PM -- Thank god the cooler water comes free.
01:45 PM -- Bantering away through the airs of freedom.
Burp....... can't wait for tea break.
04:00 PM -- The menu screams "Today's Menu"
Sometimes I feel pity for the menu. The menu displaying the same items day over day is ready to gladly accepting the wrath of every gentleman or woman who expectantly reads the menu hoping to see new entries to list of experiments by the evening cook.
1) Asserted Samoosa's
Please excuse the canteen boys English, that was meant to be assorted.
But then, could that be a candid warning, maybe he meant assaulted.
These samoosa's alias "Killer Samoosa", come in blood shot beetroot red color and looks obnoxious, like one of those aliens that suck blood from your neck in a cheap space fiction serial or the vampire from the affluent cinemas.
The day I buy them will be to puncture my boss’s skull.
2) BU’n’S at Express Day
In fact this highly sophisticated dish makes us looks like the word made by replacing the 'n' with an 'M'. They have to go buy the buns, attach a Coffee Day Express cover to it, make it sound exotic like Shangrilla Buns and just serve them to the dumb. The rest is done by the hungry software engineer.
Plain buns they are, oops...not just any plain bun, soggy depleted "Buns"; mind that.
3) Set Dosa.
Same as the breakfast dosas.
Just that they had "SET" it up in some place nice and cozy like maybe the refrigerator or the oven.
4) Paper Plain Masala.
Special dosa in which the position of the "masala" comes after Paper and Plain.
If the name had been Masala Paper Plain then the so called masala would have been inside.
Even this variety of Dosa have been suggested to the Guniness Book of Records and to Ripleys Beleive it or Not as the thinnest dosa repeatedly made.
Chalo its 05:00 P.M and time to relive myself from this defiance of the administration of the building and the canteen.
Note: I've tried to explicate the truth in a little or more exaggerated fashion. Kindly size up your thought process to the delineation. I've tried never to be deceptive in this narration. If anything explicit is noted, kindly add it in the suggestion column. Thanks everyone.
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